Since I've really been on Newgrounds. At least 7 years since I've been truly active. Easily 15 years since I first came upon this site and fell in love with the entire unregulated, creative mess that was (mostly) hormonal and socially inept teenagers sharing their love for videogame sounds and stick figures destroying eachother in yet another 'novel' flash movie. Meming on the forums. Pranks galore.
5 years since I started crawling through practically all 7 hells; sometimes combined. Debt, heartbreak, family drama of ridiculous proportions, friends turning out to be two-faced, chronic depressive mindsets, a run-in with skin cancer, creative writer's block to the point where it even hurt to open up FL Studio at all, let alone produce.. working shit jobs and getting scammed out of what little money I was making. Dabbling in drugs. Dabbling a lot in a lot of drugs. Not really having a day or two where I didn't smoke anymore. Losing yourself completely. Damning circumstances and really stupid decisions.
It's weird, but I remember everything being a lot simpler back in those days. I know it wasn't, I know it's how nostalgia tends to colour everything in the past as being better than things really were.
But I sure as hell miss those times of being in school, chatting up my friends and clanmates in IRC chat while playing runescape and counter-strike:source and of course hanging around here to find new cool audio, games and mostly the people and faces behind those projects. Hanging around the BBS felt like a family. Kind of a sociopathic and broken family, but a family nonetheless. Plus I've never really known any other kind of family, so I guess I fit right in.
For how much I've beaten myself up over taking the wrong path at every crossroad in life, I can finally say that I've learnt from the hardships and beaten back all the shit that has come at me. I'm still standing, alive and healthy and now more than ever, ready to take my creative outlets more seriously than I ever could have back in those days. Got a stable job that pays well, a home to call my own, friends I know for a fact I can rely on and most importantly, inner peace and my health. I'm a lot more humble. Less pretentious and judgmental. I'm just another guy, really.
I (finally) purchased a legal license to FL Studio back in February and have been trying to re-ignite some of that passion I felt back when I started at the age of 15. And, like reaching the light at the end of a dark tunnel, I actually managed to turn that spark into a whopping big fire again. Shit's going great. The interface has changed considerably and I don't have all of that free time like I used to, but I'm getting to the point where I feel like I can produce some decent music again and it makes me happy in a way that nothing else could. I'm hoping to get some things finished by the end of the year, see if I can get some movements going on soundcloud. Although I'm perfectly fine with just producing for the fun of it.
I'm hoping to re-connect with some of the people I used to hang with around here. I don't think I've ever said it to any of you, but I remember you being amazing. And that's not nostalgia; you really were and hopefully still are. Everybody has their own drama to pull through, their own inner demons to tame. But hell, if I can do it, I'm certain any of you can aswell. *fistbump*
Just something I wanted to share. This seemed like the right place to do it.
On another note, I came across many old projects from the 2013-2014 period. A lot of them aren't mixed as well as I'd like or are simply unfinished. I always thought I would come back to them at some point, when my computer could handle more complex sound design and arrangements, and make them into fully fledged songs. But unfortunately the only thing I really have left is the .mp3s so I decided to just upload them here. They're from a different era of my life, so to speak. If you like something you hear, feel free to use it if you want to.
That's about it for now. I'll probably upload some more stuff as the year goes on. Until then... see you around!
~ Dark Vices // La Yinn